Alphabet Soup
by The Jenx
Summary: Yet ANOTHER collection of A to Z drabbles, Kurogane and Fai, often KuroFai. Not original, but quite fun. S: In which Fai is delirious and Kurogane is angry. Probably the end. Sorry.
1. A is for Apples

It wasn't one of those sissy baskets of apples. This was a monster of a barrel, almost larger than Syaoran, full of apples so shiny you could see your reflection in them. Fai sprawled out on top of the barrel, rolling it back and forth.

"Mmm, isn't it great?" he mused. "This could last us a whole month."

"I am _not_ eating apples for a month straight," Kurogane said. He took another bite out of his apple, enjoying the crisp sweetness of fresh fruit. "Too sugary. Did you steal these?"

Fai stopped rolling and perched on top of the barrel, pouting.

"Of course not, Kuro-wanko. I won them at the fair." He slid off the barrel and snatched Kurogane's apple. Kurogane grabbed at it, but Fai just giggle and held it out of arm's reach. "I won the strong man contest!" Fai proclaimed, taking a large bite out of the apple. He crunched on it with a loud "Mmmmmm!" of satisfaction, then handed it back to him. "Thanks for sharing, Kuro-ruu."

"I don't want it back," Kurogane growled.

"Awwww, why?" Fai whined. "I'm not sick."

Because that's weird? Because he didn't want to swap spit with the wizard?

"Because your stupidity might be contagious," Kurogane said, crossing his arms. Fai giggled.

"You're already caught _that_," he chirped, tapping Kurogane on the nose. "Silly Kuro-wan."

* * *

So... I have almost through H written, but I'm posting em a few days apart, just because I'm a bitch like that... And because I'm too lazy to update more than once today. Critique is tasty by the way. Thanks. 


	2. B is for Barter

It was either amusing or pathetic, and Fai wasn't sure which. There was no way around it. Kuro-puu had no social skills. So watching him barter for supplies was a little like watching an elephant don a tutu and attempt ballet. It was a disaster in slow motion, but Fai couldn't bring himself to interfere.

"Godammit, that's _plenty_ to trade for a blanket!" Kurogane raged, pounding hid fist on the wagon's wood frame. The tinker shrugged.

"Not with these clothes it ain't. Nobody'd buy anything this weird." He tugged at the slick fabric of their last world's clothes. "Where'd you get these anyhow?"

"That's not important!" Kurogane reached for the blanket. "It's payment, so I want-"

"I said no," the tinker interrupted. "But if you've got a few gold pieces to add, I'll take it."

Kurogane turned to Fai with such a frustrated and desperate look that it was all Fai could do not to reply without laughing.

"I don't have any money."

Kurogane shot a dirty look at Fai then drew his sword, pointing it at the tinker's throat.

"We don't have gold. We have clothes. You have a blanket. Let's trade."

Fai chuckled at the sheer terror on the tinker's face. It shouldn't be funny, but since Fai knew that Kuro-wanko was too nice to really hurt him, and the tinker didn't know… well, that amused him.

"O-okay!" the tinker stuttered, holding out the blanket. "A good trade."

Kurogane took it and shoved the clothes at him, but he shook his head. "No no, just take it and leave me alone!"

Kurogane raised his eyebrows.

"…You sure?"

The tinker nodded furiously, so Kurogane took the blanket and left.

"That was weird," he muttered, handing the clothes to Fai. "First he's asking too much and then he just _gives_ it to us."

"You _did_ threaten to kill him," Fai pointed out.

"Well, I mean- it's not _my_ fault he's gullible."

"Of course," Fai agreed, smiling. "Not your fault."

* * *

...Wow. So far this fic is an all-time low for me as far as reviews go. Either it really sucks that bad, or you all just haven't bothered reviewing- whichever it is, I want to know, ok? Please? Because this has gotten a decent number of hits, and I just want to know what's going on. Cause if it sucks _that _bad, I wannatry to fix it.

Thanks for reviewing, Suu-chan. Love for you, as always.


	3. C is for Cold

Snow was fine. Ice was fine. But when the snow got above Kurogane's knees, there was a problem. What was worse was that Fai could walk on that thin layer of ice where the top bit of snow had re-frozen. The kids, he could understand, but no full-grown man should be that freakishly light.

By the time they found the cave, Kurogane had a good centimeter of ice frozen to his pants. Syaoran was trying to build a fire to warm him up, but it was a pathetic failure with all the melting snow around. So the kids got the blanket and the mage had all his heavy coats, which left Kurogane alone with his hypothermia.

Not that he minded. His teeth weren't chattering. His hands weren't turning blue. He was man enough to handle the cold. So when Fai scooted over and tried to share his coat, the natural reaction was to move a good ten paces away. This pattern continued for nearly an hour until Fai sprung over the sleeping kids and tackled Kurogane to the ground. By the time they had untangled themselves, Fai was draped over Kurogane, entirely too happy.

"Kuro-tan will freeze," he said, nuzzling Kurogane's chest.

"No I won't!" Kurogane argued, wrestling him off. Fai nodded at the mouth of the cave.

"The sun just set. It's going to get much colder soon." Fai turned back to Kurogane and let feather-light fingers brush the ninja's bare arms. "You're already freezing. Please?"

"….Mmm." Kurogane pulled Fai closer to him and let him share his beast of a coat. "Just till morning."

* * *

Yay! People ARE reading it! Thanks for letting me know. Sorry for the delay, I was in Iowa for a bit and then my internet was dead... Anyhoo, the others should be up much much sooner. And again, sorry that these are soshort and pointless. 


	4. D is for Dance

It wasn't a dance. That would imply enjoyment, and Fai was fairly sure neither of them was enjoying this. It was, perhaps, one of those dances they make you go through in middle school, where you're still young and awkward and don't really want anything to do with the person you're supposed to waltz with, but the teachers are watching you with looks that could kill. The only difference was that the evil eyes weren't compelling you to dance. You weren't entirely sure what _was_ compelling you, with such space between you.

Kurogane always had his princess. She wasn't there, but it was an unspoken understanding that when he reached home, he would stay, and they would not.

A crack.

Ashura was in ice. He would wake up. He would kill. Fai would still love him. Kurogane knew too, because sometimes what you said was meaningless next to what you didn't say.

A crevice.

Kurogane didn't feel. It didn't strike him as practical, especially in such dangerous times. He acted perhaps, but angry is a narrow repertoire, and it was all hollow.

A rift.

Fai didn't act. He was too frozen to. Ceres is a cold world, after all. It takes time to thaw. He could only wait, feel, and think. Too much time to think.

A chasm.

Trust. Desired by every man, given by precious few. Elusive.

A gaping abyss.

They danced on the rim, closer to the edge here, further away here, sidestep regret, trip on sentiment. Occasionally, one would slip. They would cling to the edge until their knuckles were white. They would fight their way back to safe ground and turn their backs on each other for a time. One two, one two, in time to the music now, one two, tease chase, one two, question silence, one two, anger fear.

It couldn't be called familiarity, because that was farthest from the truth. There were more secrets now than there were before, probably. It wasn't knowing. Simply understanding.

A bridge.

* * *

This one's so long because it was originally gfoing to be a seperate one-shot. Then I got lazy. XD So here ya have it... Hope you enjoyed. 


	5. E is for Ending

Kuro hadn't expected happily ever after, but he had expected more than this. Livestock died by execution; he was a fighter. There was no dignity in the white room, the spotless walls, the complete serenity of a bright Saturday morning.

"It's almost noon," Fai said, staring past Kurogane's head at the tiny barred window.

"Mmm. That's when they kill us?"

"Yeah." Fai smiled again, an ironically genuine smile. "I guess it beats just waiting."

"No last word?" Kurogane asked. "Dying confessions of your dark past?"

"Only if I get a dying confession of love," Fai replied. He sat back against the wall and let the smile fade. "…No. We've always kept secrets. There's no reason to change now."

Silence settled over them. It was a sharp contrast to the usual chatter, but not entirely unpleasant. There was nothing to say. Nothing would change at this point.

Kurogane woke up to a soft hiss, which was disturbing because he didn't remember going to sleep. His eyes were assaulted by the fluorescent lights, then adjusted. He frowned, eyes darting from side to side in search of the noise. Fai just smiled. It was an eerie smile, a tweak of the lips that meant nothing. He pointed up.

Kurogane followed his finger to the air duct in the ceiling, which was spewing a misty gas. Hmm. He watched it float downwards, half-obscuring Fai in a milky fog. He opened his mouth- this was it. Last words were now.

But they weren't. Words had their time. Death had its. The serpent hiss filled the silence. A clammy hand attached itself to Kurogane's wrist, then groped its way down, intertwining its freezing fingers with his own. Kurogane squeezed the hand once, and Fai squeezed back. The hiss was fading, along with the fluorescent lights, and all that was left was the white and the hand. The grip was tighter now, clenched against the heavy drowsiness of poison. Then it stopped. The hand, slick with sweat, slipped away. Kurogane closed his eyes and shut out the white.

The dark was warmer anyways.

* * *

This used to be a hellavolot longer. It also used to suck really bad. Now it only sucks sort of bad.You win some, you lose some. I figure I might edit it later, if I feel like it... probly not. XD 


	6. F is for Foils

Note: I'm being a very bad writer. There are inconsistencies in this work, and I'm simply too lazy to go fix them. So I'll point them out for you.

1. Fai KNOWS who Tomoyo-hime is. Kurogane knows that he knows.

2. Kurogane ain't scared of no stinkin wizard. Oh well. He should be.

3. I think there were more, but I forget... my brain... gone. Dead. Yah.

* * *

"Can't you be serious? Just once?"

The answer was no, of course, and neither of them needed to say it. There was a point where you had to be apathetic, suicidal, or utterly crazy, and he had passed that point a long time ago. Kurogane had passed it too, but had chosen apathy, and the silliness bothered him even more than depression would have.

"It's not like you're fooling anyone anyways," Kurogane continued, because Fai was just giving him that empty smile without responding. There was a pause in which Kurogane took another gulp of liquor, to soothe his nerves if nothing else. Fai stared at the wall.

"I'm not trying to."

"Ah?" Kurogane asked, putting his bottle down and watching the magician. Fai glanced back at him..

"I said I'm not trying to," Fai repeated. He took a sip of his own drink, something red and foreign. "I just don't see the point in moping all the time. I'd rather attempt to have fun than wallow in self-pity."

"There's a definite difference," said Kurogane, "between wallowing in self-pity and refusing to acknowledge your emotions." He nodded. "Syaoran does the former. You do the latter. Both of you annoy the shit out of me."

"Hypocrite," Fai chuckled. Kurogane flicked his sword an inch or so out of the sheath as a warning. Not that Fai cared; he grinned. "You don't acknowledge your emotions either, Kuro-pi. The only difference is that I smile and you kill things."

"I haven't taken a single life since I've met you," Kurogane growled.

"But your princess sent you away for being a bloodthirsty murderer."

Sometimes, Fai knew exactly what _not_ to say, and said it as plainly as possible. Kurogane swallowed and opened his mouth to try again, but found that there was no way to contradict the accusation. He turned his attention to his sake instead.

"You know, I don't bring up the stuff that _you're _trying to forget. You could return the courtesy."

This must have struck a chord in Fai, because he slammed his glass on the table, sloshing liquid over the sides.

"I _will not_ forget!" Fai halted, then frowned, suddenly aware that his hands were wet. Kurogane smirked as Fai's eyes traced the drops of deep red wine bleeding into Syaoran's research notes, which were spread across the table. "…Oh dear."

"Watch it," Kurogane scoffed, "you almost showed some emotion there."

"I smell wounded pride," Fai replied. He smiled and pushed his chair back. "Help me find some paper towels, Syaoran will kill me."

"Why's forgetting so dangerous?" Kurogane asked, not bothering to help. It was only a few specks; Fai just felt more comfortable in motion. Kurogane could recognize the excuses. Fai stopped to stare at Kurogane for a moment longer than necessary.

"You travel with Sakura and you still need to ask that question?"

"That's different," Kurogane protested. "She's not being hurt by her memories."

Fai put his palms on the table and leaned over, narrowing his eyes at Kurogane.

"Forget about your princess, or I swear to god, I _will_ kill you." Normally, the threat would be ridiculous. But right now, Fai was inches from Kurogane's nose, and the syrup-sweet smile was reminiscent of a cat that has cornered a canary.

"You're fucking crazy," Kurogane said, trying not to slouch or look away. "And you couldn't…"

Except that he could, and from the unpleasant curl of his smile, he knew it.

"You see?" Fai drew back, and his reptilian smile softened into understanding. "You don't want to forget either. We're really quite-" he ripped off a paper towel- "similar."

"Bullshit," Kurogane snorted.

"Actually, it's a compliment." Fai dabbed at the spilled drink, moving in sharp darts. "In my country, people say that great minds think alike. We must have great minds."

"That's fools in Japan."

"Then we're great fools."

Kurogane let Fai pretend to clean up for a moment before pushing his own chair back.

"This fool wants to get some sleep," he declared, tossing his empty bottle in the trash. It made a satisfying _tink _as it shattered. Kurogane would never get tired of that sound.

"Sleep well," Fai replied. He stared at the stained notes for a moment more then followed him upstairs, soft footfalls fading away.

* * *

So the title's a little weird- for those unfamiliar with the term, foil is 2 characters that are made as opposites to make each other's traits stand out more. I was playing with the idea that Kurogane and Fai appear to be foils, but are actually very similar. Yeah. 

Anyways, this is the end of the serious shit for a while, cept for H, which isn't really fluffy OR angsty, just sprta there... but G is light, and so are I through K.

Jenx


	7. G is for Gone

He just vanished.

It wasn't a fairy tale disappearance either, with a hostage note or at least a "gone to see my fairy godmother, back next week". Not that Fai thought Kurogane had a fairy godmother, but he didn't think he could disappear, either. There at lunch, gone at dinner, and Fai had been on the couch near the door the entire time.

Sakura and Syaoran were busy with the feather, so it was Fai's responsibility to find Kurogane. The first day, he put up 'lost puppy' signs. Syaoran took them down and had a Little Talk with Fai about when to take things seriously. The second day, Fai filed a missing persons report. The police refused it because 2 days isn't enough for the case to go cold, so they may actually have to work on it. The third day, Fai inspected Kurogane's room for exits that didn't involve the door. Sakura screamed when she saw him hanging off the roof. The fourth day, Fai hung new posters and interrogated anyone who would listen (and a few people who wouldn't). The thug in the park took offense to the questions, and Fai discovered that Mr. Fist is not your friend.

This struck Fai as somewhat unfair. If you _have_ to disappear, you should at leasthave the decency to take care of your own search party. He collapsed on the couch, holding a bag of ice to his swollen eye and sulking at the paisley throw pillows. It was probably their fault anyways. Paisley caused all sorts of problems.

"Oi." A large hand grabbed Fai's shoulder. "What's this?"

Fai looked up, and was confronted with a 'lost puppy' poster of a ninja with sloppy ears drawn on. His eye widened as it moved past the poster to the man holding it.

"Kuro-wanko!" Fai had little respect for the laws of physics, so he found it easy to vault over the couch and wrap himself around Kurogane. "Kuro-wanko is home!"

"What the-" Kurogane pulled off the leech and stepped back a pace. "I was only gone for an hour!"

"Nu-uh." Fai crossed his arms and pouted. "You've been missing for 3 days."

"I'd know if the Dimension Bitch had kept me for 3 days," Kurogane snorted.

"Yuuko-san?" Fai asked, raising his eyebrows. "What'd she want you for?

"Heavy labor," Kurogane grumbled. "Hauling boxes. Apparently, her assistant is sick. Was I really gone 3 days?"

"Mmhmm. Time must move differently here," Fai concluded. He flopped onto the couch with a sly grin. "So Kuro-wanko's been a bad boy and made us worry. What is he going to do to make up for it?"

"Go upstairs and go to bed," Kurogane replied, turning on his heel to do so. He didn't turn around to see Fai spring up from the couch and follow- he didn't have to. "_Without_ you," he added. Faiheaved a melodramatic sigh.

"Spoilsport."

* * *

Back to fun fun for a bit. D Yaaaaaaaaaay. 


	8. H is for Hero

If there was one thing Kurogane hated more than cowards, it was heroes. Honor this, justice that, goodness, light, and marshmallow bunnies- it made him sick to think about. The world didn't work like that.

"You saved our lives," the baker gushed, shoving sugary concoctions at him. "We don't have much, but please take it."

Heroes didn't exist. There were just people and goals. The difference between a hero and a villain was perspective. Syaoran wanted to protect Sakura. To someone that wanted one of her feathers, perhaps to save a life, Syaoran was a villain. Heh. So what do you think about that, Sir Knight in Shining Armor?

"Is your friend alright?" the innkeeper asked as he climbed the stairs. "There's a doctor next door, it's the least we owe you."

It was all wrong. Good and evil didn't matter. A life gone is gone, and there's nothing you can do to bring it back. He liked it better when he didn't have to worry about that, because killing just meant that he'd saved… saved her life again. That was- it was what he lived for, after all. Protect her.

He couldn't see the face under her mask. He only remembered the thrill of the fight, the magic thick in the air, the adrenaline rush at the challenge the sorceress had posed. Then he remembered the cry of pain and Fai's body crumpling to the floor. Then his sword was in her chest, and by the time he recognized the violet eyes behind the mask, it was too late.

"You'll be alright alone with him?" Syaoran asked, and Kurogane gave a noncommittal grunt. "Then I'll go make dinner… um… I'll bring some up for you."

It would be easy to blame Fai, and maybe he did. If that damn mage wasn't so set on dying, Kurogane wouldn't have to defend him. Protect him. Play his hero. But it wasn't entirely Fai's fault- Kurogane didn't have to kill her. It's exactly why she had sent him off, the bloodlust behind his loyalty. He couldn't stop seeing those eyes, wide with shock, and the way the blood seeped out around her corpse. She never looked good in red.

"…Kuro.. puu?" Kurogane's head snapped up in time to see Fai fall back against the mattress, wincing. "Owwwww... that was a bad idea."

Kurogane tried to scowl, but ended up making a face at his fists.

"I see Kuro-wanko's being extra-talkative today," Fai noted, not one to be quiet just because he'd almost died, "maybe I should talk twice as much to make up for him."

Pause. Kurogane continued to glare at his knuckles, pretending they weren't turning white.

"I guess he's mad at me again," Fai speculated. "He likes to get mad when I'm hurt. I think it makes him feel better, don't you Mr. Wallpaper? I like your flowers by the way, you look wonderful in pink."

Silence. Kurogane could feel Fai's eyes on him, and he didn't like it. Why couldn't the asshole curl up in his usual ball of self-pity and angst? Kurogane kept his eyes fixed on his fists. Go away. Just roll over and go back to sleep. This is your fault. Let me blame you.

"For God's sake, stop staring at me!"

The words were spoken before Kurogane could stop them, and sounded a good deal more angry than intended. But Fai was still staring at him.

"_Go back to sleep!"_ Kurogane bellowed, hurling a roll of bandages at him. It missed. Fai sat up and, before Kurogane knew what was happening, wrapped his arms around him. For a moment he didn't know what to do. He was torn between the need to deck the jackass for touching him and the urge to let him get away with it just this once. What he did _not_ do is crumble into Fai's arms, clinging to him and shaking with silent tears. He couldn't. Never. …Well, maybe just a little bit.

"I- she-" he started, trying to come up with a suitable explanation. Fai just shushed him and rubbed his back.

"You don't have to tell me yet."

Kurogane nodded, laying his head against Fai's chest. Later, he'd make it clear that this meant nothing. Later, he'd yell at Fai for letting himself get hurt. He closed his eyes and lay still for a moment, taking in the warmth. Then he pulled away and pushed Fai back onto the bed.

"Rest."

Fai watched him as he walked out, closing the door gently behind him. He shook his head and flopped back on the bed. Silly Kuro-tan. He could've at least said thank you.

* * *

Geh. I don't like this one, but I don't think I'm going to ever like it, and I want to get on with I-K because I love those. Anyways, I have to apologize- a few days ago, Hayai Akurei put up a fic "What Once was Lost Now is Found" that actually went a good deal like this one... I was about 2/3 of the way done with this at that point, so there was an instinctive "Oh shit." I can promise you that I didn't copy it, but I can't PROVE it to you (unless you wanna ask Suu, who had betad it before Akurei's came out), so I just have to apologize for putting up one so similar to hers so soon after hers.

Anyhoo, the next few will be loads of fun. 3 I already have them typed and all. Thanks for your reviews so far, everyone!


	9. I is for Island Ice Cream

Fai was sure he was melting. Any minute now, his brains would start oozing out of his ears and fry on the hot pavement like a biohazard omelet of doom. It would be nice if he could rip off his clothes and run naked down the street, but Kuro-wanko had threatened 83 kinds of bodily harm if he caught Fai without pants on. Easy for _him_ to say. He was from Japan. Men of Celes were delicate flowers, built for snow, not tropics. Wilting flowers had no use for pants.

Appatenly, this island was close to the center of their world, which meant no wind and no relief from the scprching heat. Despite this, people flocked to it in scantily-clad hordes. Mokona _claimed_ there was a feather here and tracking it down would, unfortunately, involve several days at the beach.

What a pity.

"Kuro-pon," Fai whined, rubbing against Kurogane. "Can we get ice cream?"

Kuro-tan scowled down at Fai and kept walking. He had been doing both all day, because he felt he ought to be doing _something_. It didn't necessarily have to be productive, but pacing up and down the beach was better than nothing at all, and scowling was really quite satisfying.

"Please?" Fai begged, following him quickly, not _quite_ skipping. "It's hot."

"So go swim."

Fai pouted at him, which was a good excuse to scowl more.

"I don't _want_ to swim," said Fai. "It gets sand in my shorts."

"But we already passed the ice cream shop," Kurogane said.,

"Kuro-pyon… if we keep walking, we'll pass it again in 15 minutes."

It was true. This was the tiniest goddamn island ever. Kurogane didn't grace Fai with a reply, and after a few minutes Fai got bored and trotted off on his own. Kurogane paced the island once more before Fai came running back with a big stupid grin and 2 ice cream cones.

"Kuro-buu, look what I got! It's pineapple-flavoured, and it actually tastes like pineapples!"

Kurogane peered down at the cones, suspicious of the yellow-orange mush.

"How did you pay for these?" he asked, because Fai wasn't allowed to carry money after the Marshmallow Incident.

"I made out with the guy at the counter," Fai replied, licking a drip off the edge of the cone. "Here, this one's yours."

"You did _not!_" Kurogane exclaimed, more out of reflex than logic because really, he might have. This was _Fai_.

"You're right," Fai giggled, "I didn't. Take yours," he repeated, shoving the second cone at him again.

"I don't want it," Kurogane growled, stepping away from it. Fai sulked.

"You may as well take it," he sighed, pushing it into Kurogane's hands. "After all, you paid good money for it."

He smiled, waved, and skipped off towards the water. Kurogane stared at the ice cream, then rummaged in his pockets, where he could've _sworn_ he'd had 3 coins.

* * *

I liked this one. It was fun to write. Don't _you_ want a biohazard omlette of doom? 


	10. J is for Jello

"What the fuck."

"Language, language," Fai scolded, wagging his finger.

"No really," Kurogane repeated. "What the fuck?"

"It's jello," Sakura explained.

"It's… it's _green_."

"Mm-hmm." Fai prodded the jello, and it gave a menacing jiggle. Kurogane flinched back, making a face.

"Aren't you supposed to _kill_ your food before you eat it?" he asked.

"Of course," Fai replied, "but I'm not sure how."

"What kind of animal _is_ this, anyways? I mean, how does it move?"

"It creeps," said Fai. "And leaps. And glides."

"And slides across the floor," Sakura added. "Right through the door-"

"Ok, I get it." Kurogane drew a knife from the drawer and plunged it into the center of the pan. The jello bucked and shook for a few moments, then fell still. "Dead," Kurogane declared.

"So how to we cook it?" Fai asked, tapping his chin.

"Maybe we eat it raw," Sakura suggested.

"No!" Fai said, at the same time Kurogane said "Sure".

"No," Fai repeated, crossing his arms and pouting. "I'm not eating raw meat." The sushi had been bad enough. He still had nightmares.

"So what're you gonna do?" Kurogane asked, pulling the knife out of the jello. "Bake it?"

Conversation halted. Three pairs of eyes stared at the jelly blob, which began moving again.

"It… it's alive," said Sakura.

"God," Fai whispered in wide-eyed amazement, "the thing's immortal."

"What the fuck," Kurogane repeated, and Fai didn't bother scolding him.

"Maybe we need to drive a stake through its heart," Sakura said, eyeing it warily.

"That's vampires," said Fai.

"Jello might be a vampire," said Sakura, edging away.

"Perhaps," Fai mused, "it possesses you if you eat it. Creeps up to your brain and uses diabolical mind control."

"That thing's _not_ eating my brain!" Kurogane snapped.

"Oh, it won't _eat_ it," Fai assured him. "If it ate it, your body would be useless. It just takes control and lives your life for you. You're held prisoner in your own body, watching it thorough your own eyes as it ravages and pillages small villages and-"

"Hello!" Mokona sang, bouncing in through the door. "Syaoran and I found an old guy who knows about the feather, and- Oooo!" it squealed, hopping on the table. "Jello!"

"DON'T!" all 3 of the yelled, but it was too late. Mokona had already taken a bite of the gelatin beast. It looked up at the grim faces.

"…What?"

Sakura burst into tears and hugged Mokona, while Fai offered a fragmented explanation.

"It'll take your brain," he said. "Kill stuff. Then kill you. Horrible parasite. Doomed."

"…Parasite?" Mokona frowned. "Jello's not alive."

There was a moment of profound silence. Sakura let go.

"….It's not?" Fai asked.

"But the commercial said..." Sakura protested.

"Sugar and gelatin," said Mokona. "It's just a yummy treat."

Sakura and Fai let out a collective sigh of relief. Kurogane stared at the jello, harrumphed, and slipped the knife in his pocket. Say what you will, that jello looked dangerous.

He needed to watch out.

* * *

So, who caught the nod to bad scifi movies? Major props to you. 

For those of you who didn't, here it is: When Fai and Sakura describe how the jello moves, they're using the lyrics from the theme song of the original "The Blob" movie. "The Blob" looks remarkably like a largelump of strawberry jello.

And I need to hurry up, I'm still on L and K goes up next...


	11. K is for Kleenex

Fai was crying. Not little timid whimpers, but big loud sobs. The whole theatre kept shooting him dirty looks, and even the kids were starting to look uncomfortable.

"Oi." Kurogane elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up."

"But- but they killed the mommy deer!" Fai wailed. "You can't _do_ that!"

"It's a movie," Kurogane hissed, leaning in, "and it's not even real deer, just drawings."

"But Bambi's all alone now," said Fai, sniffling. "Don't you feel for him?"

"Quiet _down_!" Kurogane said, trying to ignore the venomous glares of the other patrons. Why couldn't he disappear into the shadows? The theatre was dark, there were plenty to disappear into. Fai finally stopped, so Kurogane turned back to the screen. Not that he knew what was going on anymore. He had almost figured it out when someone grabbed his crotch.

"What the-"

His body moved before his mind, yanking Fai's hand out of his pocket.

"_What are you doing?_"

"I thought you might have Kleenex," Fai explained. "Your nose is running cause of this pollen stuff, right?"

"You _groped_ me!"

"Not on purpose."

"But- you _groped_ me!"

Fai glanced down and smirked.

"But you liked it."

"I- you- not-" he shut his mouth, scowling, and produced a pack of Kleenex from his other pocket. Fai took it, entirely too smug and blew his nose. Kurogane turned back to the movie, glad that the darkness hid his blush- er- manly flush of anger. Again, he had almost gotten back into the movie when Fai draped one arm over his shoulder and leaned in too close.

"…Want me to do it again?"

* * *

Short and sweet this time. Yup. By the by, thanks so much for you guys' reviews! I'm getting record feedback for this. Yay.

I haven't STARTED M yet, I'm so going to fall behind..


	12. L is for Lies

Kurogane was annoyed. This wasn't unusual, because _anyone_ who stays around Fai long enough is bound to be annoyed, but he was more annoyed than usual. Fai had been sending him out on new errands every day, everything from bed sheets to groceries to puppy food for the stray outside their door. This time it was sugar, and in case _that_ wasn't embarrassing enough, it wasn't even _there_. The shop didn't have sugar in stock, but he could come back on Thursday, if he would like. No, but he would like to know where the arsenic was. Sorry, the shop didn't stock that either. Fine, bastard.

"Oi," Kurogane called, opening the door to their room. "The sugar's not-"

He froze. So did the 2 men on the bed, once they stopped kissing. They were tangled in a mess of arms, legs, and half-removed clothes. Terror drained the color from Fai's face when he saw Kurogane in the doorway. The other man was much less disturbed. He was a taller man with long black hair that pooled on the bed around Fai's body. He turned and stared, not bothering to take his hand off Fai's bare chest.

Kurogane was still in shock when Fai whirred back to life. He untangled himself from the man and turned on a mechanical smile.

"Ah, welcome back, Kuro-chi! This is-"

"Ashura," the man finished, stepping forwards to offer his hand. Fai flinched at the name, just like he had in Shura. He had been held up by nervous energy, but now he wilted as his shoulders slumped and any remaining life in his smile vanished. Kurogane glanced at Fai, then back at Ashura. It clicked.He shook his head.

"Ashura." (Flinch.) "You poor bastard."

Ashura raised his eyebrows, still holding out his hand.

"Leave," Kurogane ordered.

"Pardon?" Ashura asked.

"Kuro-puu-"

"_Leave!_"

Ashura let his hand fall and looked to Fai. The blonde flashed him a half-hearted grin and waved.

"Seeya later."

Ashura frowned at Kurogane, but zipped his pants and left. Fai perched on the edge of the bed in guilty silence. Kurogane had never seen someone work so hard to ignore him. He closed the space between them, the clop-clop-clop of his footsteps echoing in the empty bedroom.

"I can't believe this. How _dare_ you."

"Because I love him," Fai replied, but his voice was as hollow as his smile.

"No you don't." Kurogane towered over him, deadly calm. Fai turned away and began to button his shirt. "He's not your Ashura."

"It's the same soul…" his voice was soft, trembling slightly.

"Tell that to the man who just left." Fai fell silent, gazing out the window. Kurogane moved into his line of sight. "You can't-"

Fai slid off the bed and busied himself with the mussed sheets.

"Dammit, _LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!_"

Fai cringed, but didn't move. Kurogane spun him around and pinned him to the bed, grabbing his shoulders.

"You're fucked up, but that's no excuse to fuck him up too! That poor bastard thinks you care about him!"

"Kuro-wan…" Fai's eyes darted from side to side and a desperate grin flickered like an old movie. "I don't think you understand-"

"Oh, I understand. You loved this Ashura, but you messed up and now he wants to kill you, so you want a replacement. I understand, but that doesn't make it any less _disgusting_."

Fai let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes.

"My love life is not your business."

"You're _using _him. You want someone, and that's all that matters. If you're going to be selfish and get in a relationship when you don't care about _anyone_, now that's one thing, but to fool them into thinking that you do is-"

The kiss took him by surprise. One instant, he was completely in control, given a rare opportunity to break through the smiles and laughs until the damn mage might actually _listen_. The next moment he was pulled close to Fai, who had forced his tongue into Kurogane's mouth and was trying his best to devour it. The kiss was not gentle or sweet. It was a desperate attempt to make him stop speaking truth. It was a rough and selfish kiss, but a small part of Kurogane wanted it anyways. A small part of him thought that maybe it meant something.

The rest of him knew better. He shoved away from Fai with such force that he stumbled back a step. He balled his fists and clenched his teeth, biting back whatever emotion was bubbling to the surface, slow but toxic through layers of thick rage. Did Fai have that little respect for him, to treat Kurogane like a cheap whore?

"I-" Fai stared up at Kurogane, all wide eyes and fear. Kurogane swallowed hard and tried again.

"I _hate_ you."

He didn't want to look, because he knew Fai would look hurt. Just hurt. Never guilty. Damn him.

Kurogane turned his back and slammed the door.

* * *

And that's your daily dose of angst, folks. I'm caught up all the way throughP now, by the way, so these will go up faster again. Assuming I'm not too lazy to type them up soon. I wrote S too, but not the letters inbetween, so... yeah... I can't wait till S goes up. I think you all may shoot me. 


	13. M is for Minutes

Birdwatching was, Fai thought, the most idiotic sport known to mankind. Kurogane-watching was far superior. There were several species of Kurogane, from the Daddy Kuro to the Angsty Kuro to Fai's favorite, the I'm-Going-To-Rip-Your-Fucking-Head-Off Kuro. And unlike bird calls, the calls of "Oi, bastard!" and "Shut the hell up!" were easy to mimic.

Tonight was the Cranky Kuro. He perched on the edge of the bed, scowling at the lamp. Fai nestled into the windowseat, cozying up to the lavender teddy bear that lived there. The Cranky Kuro kept scowling, and finally Fai surrendered to curiosity.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Aa?" Cranky Kuro glanced up and made a face. "What the hell would I want a penny for?"

Fai sighed. He kept forgetting that despite Mokona's magic, idioms didn't translate well.

"What's on your mind?"

Kurogane snorted and got up, picking up a rag and drawing Souhi.

"You. You could at least _pretend_ to care about your life."

Fai raised his eyebrows because he wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but this wasn't it. Kurogane continued, polishing Souhi with such vigor that it was probably doing more harm than good.

"I mean, that big monkey today, King King or whatever. He hit you once and you didn't even _try_ to defend yourself. You just sat and waited for him to finish it. That ain't right."

Fai considered explaining that 1 hit from a 50-foot ape was enough to stun anyone for a bit, but decided against it. Kurogane would only say he was lying. So Fai smiled instead, hugging the teddy bear.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something?" Kurogane demanded. Fai shook his head. Kurogane's face scrunched up in disgust. "How can you live with yourself?"

He heaved a dramatic sigh and turned back to Souhi. God knows it didn't need need any more polishing, but Fai supposed Kurogane needed something to do. Especially if he was analyzing Fai again; he only did that when he was _really_ bored. And if Fai was bored enough too, he would give a cryptic answer to further confuse Kurogane. After brief consideration, Fai decided he was bored enough.

"Minutes."

Kurogane threw Souhi on the bed.

"Dammit, will you stop playing mysterious and make _sense?_"

Fai grinned. This was the sort of reaction that made it worthwhile.

"What's the magic word?"

"For the fucking love of- _please_?"

It would do, Fai decided. In Celes, it was just 'please', but it would do.

"See Kuro-tan, thinking of your whole lifetime is like imagining the entire universe. You feel tiny and helpless, because nothing you do or say now will really change things in the big picture. So instead of imagining the universe, you imagine the 5 of us. Instead of a lifetime, think in minutes."

"So cause things look bad this minute, you let yourself die?"

Fai resisted the urge to roll his eyes and give up. Kurogane was so focused on his vision of 'little emo Fai' that he could never see anything else.

"No," Fai continued, "you just hold out. If you can make it through the one minute, then you know you can make it through the next, then the hour, the day, the year… life. See? Life is easier if you break it into little pieces."

Kurogane just stared.

"So… to make it through life…" he screwed up his face in concentration. "…You break things?"

Fai sighed. As much as he loved Kurogane, philosophy was wasted on a man who thought with his fists.

"Yes, Kuro-wanko. I break things."

* * *

I don't really like this one, which is why it's late, but oh well. I decided that I finally needed to stop editing it and just get it over with so we can get to more fun stuff. Anyhow, I hope it wasn't too awful. Don't worry, N has MUCH more KuroFai-ness.

In other news, I just got a laptop and I'm not used to this keyboard yet. Typo-Mania! Hyuu hyuuuuuu!


	14. N is for Nottingham

"He does _what_?"

"Steals from the rich and gives to the poor," Fai repeated.

"That's wonderful," said Syaoran.

"Are you kidding me? That's _awful!_" said Kurogane.

"It's social justice," Syaoran protested.

"It's stealing," Kurogane said, "and besides, if he steals from the rich all the time, they'll become poor."

"He doesn't steal _that_ much." Syaoran hesitated and glanced up at Fai. "He doesn't, does he?"

"Not usually," Fai said, "but the feather's made him crazy. He stole it from a rich man and now he won't stop stealing."

"And now the rich are poor," Kurogane finished.

"This redistribution of wealth thing is rather tricky," Fai agreed.

"Oh," Syaoran said. "Ok." He frowned, trying to fit this into his oversimplified views of good and evil.

"You still haven't explained yourself," Kurogane snarled, glaring at Fai.

"Hmm?"

"_Why_ are you in a _dress_?"

Fai giggled and spun, letting the wide skirts billow out around him.

"I'm seducing him. If I play it right, he'll tell me where the feather is. Call me Maid Marian, ok?"

Kurogane threw his hands in the air.

"_Why?_ We have a girl with us, why doesn't Sakura-"

Fai gave him a meaningful look, then glanced down at Syaoran. Kurogane paused.

"…Right. But why don't we just attack this Robin Hood?"

"Because I've always wanted to wear a corset," Fai replied, patting his waist. "I have the perfect hourglass figure for one. Do you have any socks? I need breasts."

"You are one sick bastard," said Kurogane.

"Bitch," Fai corrected.

"So…" Syaoran spoke slowly and stared straight ahead, his brow furrowed in thought. "…We need to steal from the poor and give to the rich."

"Yeah," Kurogane said. "Now look at me, mage. _Look at me- _you do _not_ need breasts."

Fai gave him a long-suffering sigh, which usually meant that he was enjoying himself more than Kurogane liked.

"Kuro-pon, an essential pert of seduction is being busty. Just because I'm not seducing _you_ doesn't mean you can get all jealous."

"I am _not_ jealous!"

"Isn't… isn't that wrong?" Syaoran asked, looking vaguely ill.

"Not this time," said Fai. "Now Kuro-wanko, if you aren't jealous, will you lend me some socks?"

"You do _not_ need breasts!"

"I'm sexy enough without them?"

"That's not what I said!"

"Then I need socks."

"Ok, _fine_, you make a pretty woman _without _breasts. Are you happy?"

"No, Kuro-rin, pretty isn't good enough for this plan. Would you fuck me?"

"_What?"_

"Fuck me. Scre me. Do the hanky panky. Have sex. Come on, Kuro-tan, you're a big boy, you know what it means."

"But…" Syaoran made a face. "…We have to do the _right_ thing."

"Shh," said Fai, "Mommy and Daddy are having an adult talk."

"The hell," squeaked Kurogane, who had turned a deep red. "What are you asking _that_ for?"

"It's important," Fai insisted, putting his hands on his hips. "Flirting, which involves being pretty, only gets trivial information. Seduction will get me the feather, but seduction means he wants to fuck me."

"This is a trick question."

"No it's not."

"I'm not answering."

"Come on, Kuro-ko. If I were a woman, would you do me?"

"…"

"This is vital to our mission, Kuro-puu."

"_Fine_. If you were a woman, I would do you."

"Then…" Fai slid the skirts up his thigh, smirking. "Can I be a woman for you?"

Kurogane's mouth was working, but it was working separately from his brain, so it wasn't really making words. He _knew_ that was a trick question.

"Well?" Fai crooned, swishing his hips back and forth. "Can I? Your sweet, innocent Maid Marian?"

"Um.. I'm home…"

Kurogane froze and turned to the door. Fai froze and let his skirts fall. Sakura, standing in the doorway, just plain froze.

"But what about _ethics_?" Syaoran asked, still trapped in his conscience-induced coma.(This is a frequent occurrence among heroes, who are fortunate enough to have battles freeze around them while they give speeches on their inner turmoil.)

"Sakura-chan!" Fai chirped, skipping over to her. "Welcome back! Did you have enough money for the groceries?"

"No… but I have great news!' She dug in her pockets and produced the feather. "This nice young man heard me counting my money and he gave me a whole back of gold _and_ my feather!"

Fai's grin stuck for a moment, then slid off his face in disbelief.

"Robin Hood… _gave you_ the feather?"

"Mm-hmm!" Sakura slipped it back in her pocket. "I'll use it before bed. Then if I fall asleep, it'll be ok 'cause we'll be sleeping anyways."

"…Yes," said Fai, somewhat crestfallen. "Yes, that's good."

"Why are you wearing a dress, Fai-san?"

"Ah, well…" Fai chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, um, I guess I'll go change out of this now."

Kurogane, who had fallen into a coma similar to Syaoran's, snapped back to life. He stomped over to Fai and tossed the mage over his shoulder, scowling.

"Come on."

"Eh?" Sakura looked nearly as surprised as Fai himself. Fai recovered into realization, then a grin.

"Never mind, Sakura-chan! Just tell Syaoran-kun the good news, and-"

"Before I remember you're a man, please," Kurogane interrupted, heading for the bedroom.

"-we'll see you later!" Fai managed before the door slammed.

Sakura blinked, then frowned. Syaoran turned to her.

"We couldn't do anything _bad_."

Sakura sighed and shook her head.

"Of course not, Syaoran-kun. I'll start on dinner now."

* * *

This is 3 days late. 

Yes. 3 whole days, even though the update came sooner than the last one did. Now I have approximately half the alphabet left. I wonder if anyone canguess what makes me update by then? XD And the answer is not 'reviews'.

Hmm. Whoever gets it first- NOT you Suu, I've told you before- gets to choose the word for the letter of their choice, must be after P and can't be S, cause I've got those written already. Cause I'm bored and feel like doing a stupid contest. XD Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed! Seeya next time around!

P.S. OHMIGOD, I JUST NOTICED! THANK YOU FOR 100 REVIEWS! This is kinda amazing to me, people usually give up on me after afew chapters,hugs and love to ALL of you!


	15. O is for Old

Kurogane had ideas about old age. He would go back to Japan, have a _talk_ with Tomoyo-hime, marry a strong woman, maybe start a dojo if he had time (and students that weren't blockheads), and protect the throne for the rest of his long life.

Fai also had ideas about old age. He would be dead.

"That's it?" Kurogane stared at him in disbelief. "That's _it_?"

"Yes." Fai stared back with equal disbelief. "Why? Should I look forwards to getting wrinkly and weak?"

"But you don't get weak," Kurogane said, "not if you stay active. You get stronger from all those years of experience."

"If you don't break a hip every time you try to train."

"Even if you do, elders get respect. You can hold positions of importance."

Fai imagined what might have happened if Senile Old Aaron had been general any longer. He shuddered.

" I hope not. They'd kill us all. How about you and that marriage thing? Kuro-ko isn't very romantic."

"I'm the last heir in a family that's protected the throne for centuries. It's my duty to have sons. I just gotta hope I find a wife I can stand."

"Hmm…" Fai took a long sip of his tea. "Couldn't you adopt?"

Kurogane frowned at him, puzzled.

"…A-what?"

"…Adopt?" Fai was rewarded with a blank stare. "Find a kid who, for whatever reason, can't live with his parents and make him your kid."

"What? That's _legal_?"

"…Why wouldn't it be?"

Kurogane made a mental count of all the runaway brats he knew that would exploit adoption. He shook his head.

"You live in a fucked up country."

"And you let senile old men protect your royalty."

Kurogane crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

"No, we're usually killed before we go senile. I only knew one man who was senile, and he died at 88."

Fai choked on his tea. He opened his mouth to say something, but dissolved into coughing instead. Kurogane thumped him on the back, which didn't help, but gave him something to do until Fai caught his breath.

"_88!"_ Fai coughed again and waved away Kurogane's hand. "You all die at _88?_"

"Oh no!" Kurogane said, and Fai relaxed slightly. "Most of us die in our 70s."

Fai squeezed his eyes shut and held his head, muttering a few incoherent curses. Kurogane wasn't sure why, but he felt offended.

"_What_?" he demanded. Fai stared at Kurogane through his fingers.

"What? You all die as _children_, that's what!" He removed his hands to make emphatic gestures. "I wasn't planning on dying until at _least_ 200!  
It was Kurogane's turn to do a double-take.

"200, and you're going to die _young?_ How long would you usually live?"

"300 or so…" A predatory grin crept across Fai's face. "Now Kuro-rin wishes he came from my fucked up country."

Kurogane didn't answer. He was busy doing mental calculations.

"So you're…"

"Turning 47 next month," Fai said, taking another sip of rtea.

"Dammit, you're _old_," said Kurogane. It may not be profouns, but it was the only coherent thought he could form at the moment. 300 or so. Turning 47. Dammit, he was _old._

"So if you die in your 70s, you must be in your 20s," Fai deduced. He was silent for a moment, mulling over the information. Then he gave a nod. "That's alright. I can be a pedophile."

* * *

Yes, the idea's been done before. But so has the idea of A-Z KuroFai drabbles. I'm writing these for fun dammit, so I can use old stuff ifI want to. XD 

Anyhow, thanks again for your continued review response. I'm really getting spoiled by you people. And for those of you working on that contest thing, this update is on time, give or take a few hours (probably depends on what time zone you're in).I'm hearing some pretty good guesses, but no one's gotten it yet! (Suu, you don't count, and I am NOT writing your warped pairings into my Kuro and Fai. XD)

...And I do like the idea of U for Uke, Ria-chan. But we'll see what I can do.


	16. P is for Patience

It had been over a week since Syaoran had seen Kurogane and Fai acknowledge each others' existence. He didn't know what had happened of course, because they didn't bother him with such unimportant details when they could just drive him crazy instead. He tried asking Kurogane, but the ninja just grunted and stomped off. Fai put on an obscenely cheerful grin and insisted that they _weren't_ avoiding each other, and Syaoran must be imagining things.

He must be. In fact, right now Syaoran was imagining himself locking them in a room and putting them through the most obnoxious method of interrogation that he knew.

It really wasn't his business, he knew. But it worried Sakura, and he couldn't stand the way she kept wringing her hands and glancing up at them then quickly away. She had barely touched her food, because she was drowning in the oppressive silence that had become dinner. The only noise to fill the silence was Kurogane as he tore away at his turkey leg- he was a stealthy ninja, but not a particularly quiet eater. He paused to direct a scowl at Sakura.

"Oi. Pass the salt."

"Ah, h… hai!"

Her arm darted out to grab the salt shaker, but fell short. She hesitated for a moment, stretching her hand out in hopes that maybe the salt shaker would come to it instead, but her efforts were futile. Finally, she drew her hand back, flashing a nervous smile.

"Uhm… I can't reach it… F-Fai-san, could you pass it to… um… to Kurogane-san?"

Fai's glanced up at Kurogane, then back at his plate, which he was picking at instead of eating off.

"He can reach it."

Kurogane snorted. Syaoran frowned.

"N-no he can't," Sakura protested, watching Fai like she might watch a grenade with the pin pulled. "Can you please pass it to him? …Fai-san?"

When Fai didn't answer, she reached out and tapped his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and jerked it away, then went back to prodding his meal. She pulled back with a whimper.

He cared for Kurogane and Fai, but this had gone too far. He slammed down his cup. Sakura jumped and all eyes turned to him.

"Enough."

Fai raised his eyebrows in that skeptical look that he put on when he was trying to make you feel stupid.

"Enough what, Syaoran-kun?"

"Enough of _this_," Syaoran said, gesturing to the men at the far end of the table. Fai opened his mouth, but Syaoran was sick of his excuses. "If you say nothing's wrong, I will leave, and Sakura and I will find her feathers alone. Now I don't know what happened between you two, but at this point I don't really care. You are being _childish _and_ selfish_, and it's hurting us as a team, and we don't have room for this in our mission. Am I clear?"

A thick silence hung over them for a moment while everyone stared at Syaoran in shock. He would probably regret this later. It could make Sakura afraid of him. But _anything_ was better than this.

Kurogane broke the silence.

"I can't help it if this jackass won't look at me."

Fai twitched a little at the angry edge in his voice, but otherwise showed no signs of hearing Kurogane or Syaoran.

"I don't care whose fault it is," Syaoran snarled, pounding his fist on the table. "I just want it to end. You're supposed to be our parents, right? Set a good example and all that? So kiss and make up already!"

"We can't kiss and make up," Fai droned in a cool monotone, "on account of us not being in a relationship."

"Don't give me that! I walked in on you two having sex before," Syaoran snapped. Sakura blushed furiously and pretended she hadn't heard.

"Sex isn't a relationship," Fai replied, giving Kurogane a pointed glare, which Kurogane ignored. Fai turned the glare on Syaoran and continued. "Now what happens between us is none of your business so long as we keep fighting to get Sakura's feathers back."

"It becomes my business when you brush off Sakura!"

"Ah, Syaoran-kun," Sakura began, uncomfortable with being the reason behind Syaoran's explosion. "He didn't-"

"Sakura-hime, if you won't stand up for yourself, someone has to. So Fai-san, Kurogane-san, will you stop?"

"Probably not." Fai took a long sip of tea before he continued, keeping that unruffled demeanor that Syaoran found infuriating. "So, is this the part where you leave with Sakura and find the feathers on your own?"

Syaoran could only stare at him for a moment. …What the hell? Didn't it matter to him at _all_?

_He's calling my bluff,_ Syaoran realized slowly. _He doesn't think I have the courage to do it…_

He clenched his fists, rose, and stormed out. Sakura fumbled with words for a minute, stuttering and shooting worried looks out the door and then at Kurogane and Fai, before springing up to follow Syaoran.

The door shut after her. Kurogane and Fai were left alone at the table. The suffocating silence returned as the men stared each other down. Then Kurogane heaved a sigh of irritation and slapped his forehead.

"Man, you are a _terrible_ mother."

Fai grinned from ear to ear.

"Aww, Kuro-pii is only angry cause I won the bet. I _told_ you it was possible to make Syaoran-kun mad. No one's got endless patience.Cmon, you knew the terms…"

"There is _no_ way I'm rewarding you for doing that to the kids!" Kurogane protested, crossing his arms. Granted, he had gone along with it, but that was part of the terms too.

"Ah, but the reward includes a good deal of kissing and making up, so-" Fai leaned across the table and gave Kurogane a peck on the forehead. Kurogane swatted his him away, still trying his best to sulk. "- so everyone will be happy."

"_I'm_ not happy," Kurogane muttered.

"Yes, but you _always_ get top," Fai whined, sitting back in his chair. "And this is only one night."

"What do you plan on doing next time you see Syaoran?"

"Hmmm…" Fai tapped his chin. "Why don't we just be extra loud tonight?"

"You're a bastard, you know that?"

"I love you too, Kuro-wo."

* * *

And here you thought it was all angsty. Anyhow, I apologize for this drabble, but I'm horrible at writing Syaoran, and even worse at writing him angry. Suu did her best to beta me, but I do beleive this one is beyond repair in all but concept. I still like the concept. Oh, but at least we're close to S, which is delightful, and is NOT sex, slave, or any combination of the two, sorry to dissapoint. XD 

For those still guessing I haven't heard the answer yet and this update is on time. People are making me update so damn frequent these days, I almost wish they'd slow down... I mean, I don't even have a word picked out for Q yet. Queer, queen, quiet, question, quaurtet... geh.


	17. Q is for Quagmire Queen

It started with a puff of pink smoke, which made a small 'plock' and a big 'BAM'. Then there was the warped screech of a dying cat serenading a whistling teapot, and the smoke dissipated.

"And that," said Fai, "is why you don't mess with a magician."

Kurogane's mouth worked in mute horror for a moment before his head snapped up and he stared at the swamp witch with wide eyes. She smirked. Fai continued babbling, stepping closer to examine Kurogane.

"But on the upside, you have a very nice ass." He tapped it to emphasize the point. "Your breasts leave something to be desired, but I'm no critic, and the legs more than compensate for it-"

"_Get off!"_ Kurogane shrieked, somewhat startled by the way his voice had risen at least an octave. He shoved Fai away before his hands could explore the rest of Kurogane's newly acquired curves. "You!" He grabbed the swamp witch by the collar and shoved her up against a tree. "Fix this, right fucking _now_, or I swear I will-"

With a _pwaaaaang_ and an unmanly cry, Kurogane's chest expanded several inches.

"Oooh," Fai said, nodding in approval. "I retract my comments about your breasts."

"Thought you'd like that," said swamp witch, who looked rather like Yuuko. She took advantage of Kurogane's surprise to wrench herself out of his grip, still smiling. "As for you, I think I'll keep you like this until you appreciate women."

"I can appreciate women just fine as a man!" Kurogane yelled. "Now turn me back, bitch, or-"

_Pwaaaang._

The swamp witch's grin widened.

"I could do this all day."

"You really should be nicer to her, Kuro-tan," Fai sighed. "She's holding all the cards right now. _And_ the feather."

Kurogane snarled, but sheathed his sword for fear of excessive cleavage.

"Fine then. What the hell do you want from me?"

The swamp witch smiled.

(------)

Fai honestly couldn't recall Kurogane ever being more irritable then when he was muddy, tired, and female. Fai also couldn't recall him ever being more amusing. The first hour had been spent pacing back and forth ranting, his voice rising and falling in anger. This stopped when the swamp muck had grabbed hold of one of his boots and dragged him down, and very well may have killed him if Fai hadn't wrenched the ninja's foot out of his boot. When he realized he couldn't pace safely, he stomped down the path through the swamp in silence, until they reached the forest at the edge of the swamp. He swerved off the path without offering an explanation, and Fai eventually followed him. Someone had to babysit Femmy-Kuro.

"Kuro-pii…"

Kurogane grunted. It sounded much less grouchy when he was a woman, so Fai proceeded.

"Kuro-wai, where are you going?"

"There's a house over here," Kurogane muttered, emerging into a clearing. "I saw it on the way out."

'House' was actually a misnomer. It was run down to the point of decay- Fai count see spots where the wood was rotting away, and other spots where animals or insects had burrowed holes. The chimney had holes, and a telltale pile of fallen stones at its base. The window was nothing but a hole in the wall.

"…Mmm?" Fai regarded the house with a mix of caution and doubt. "And why is Kuro-rin checking out a house?"

"Because," Kurogane replied, kicking open the door. It fell off its hinges and stirred up tornadoes of dust on the floor. "There is no way in hell I'm going back to the kids like this."

Fai followed him inside, stifling a giggle.

"She said she wouldn't take it off for a week. The kids will worry."

"So call em on that fo-thingy." Kurogane took of his shirt, and Fai averted his eyes for decency's sake as the man ripped it up and bound his plentiful bosom with the strips. Fai dug out the cell phone and waited for Syaoran to answer his call. Kurogane finished and regarded the mage suspiciously. That glint in his eye was never good news.

"Hey, Syaoran-kun! I've got a message that in no way relates to Kuro-pon's gender.  
There's been a bitch- oops, I mean hitch- in our plans, and I don't think we'll make it home till, oh, Monday or so- _ow_!" he finished as Kurogane kicked him in the ribs. Fai pouted and Kurogane gave him a warning look. There was a pause.

"Oh no, no, we're both fine. It would just be breast- er, _best-_ if we met you next week."

This time, he leapt out of the way before Kurogane could touch him. He was _definitely_ enjoying this.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Syaoran-kun, I guess my tongue's just slipping because I'm tired. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Kuro-sama's presence next to me. …Yeah, I'm sure we're both ok. Right! Seeya Monday, then." He hung up the phone and faced Kurogane, soothing the livid woman with a pat on the back. "It's ok. Syaoran-kun is bright, but he's not particularly perceptive. And they both think I'm weird anyhow."

"You _are_ weird!" Kurogane snapped. He snatched the cell phone out of Fai's loose grip. "And I'm taking this so you don't call him back to tell him what a pretty girl I make, or something stupid. Now I'm gonna go find something we can eat. You sit your weird ass down and don't cause any trouble."

"Hyuu hyuu!" Fai cheered, flopping onto the floor and waving. "Daddy's bringing home food for the family!"

Kurogane wished he hadn't kicked the door in, because he really would have liked to slam it on the way out.

(------)

The last dinner that week, like every other dinner before that, consisted of some strange plants, a frog, and something orange that Fai didn't dare touch but Kurogane kept bringing home anyways. When they finished, Fai built a fire in the dusty fireplace. The firelight played on the bare walls, the makeshift curtains and door that Fai had made with his coats and Kurogane's cloak, the bedrolls that he had run into town to get because the floor was really not comfortable without his coats. Kurogane whittled a figure into a piece of the broken door, a last edition to the collection. There had been a lot of spare time, and Kurogane never felt comfortable just sitting.

Fai, on the other hand, loved it. He settled into his corner and watched the (wo)man work, and played pretend. He imagined that Kurogane was his beautiful wife, and they had moved to this quiet isolated cabin to get away from the demands of civilization. He imagined that the chirp of the crickets and the warmth of the nights kept them safe. He imagined that Ashura never existed, and when Kurogane was done whittling tonight's statue, they would make love it until it was time to sleep, and he imagined that had been their routine for years. He imagined (and he felt a little guilty about this one) that there were no feathers, no kids, no Mokona, and he had Kurogane all to himself. He imagined that Kurogane was with him because that's where Kurogane wanted to be.

(------)

"Hey." Kurogane nudged Fai awake. "You coming with meto get this damn curse lifted?"

Fai's smile widened into a grin.

"Of course, Kuro-pii. If I wasn't there to control you, you'd probably lose your temper and do something awful."  
"Mm." Kurogane shrugged and tore their clothes off the windows, handing Fai's coat to him. He appeared to be in a good mood- unsurprising. "Let's go."

"Okay, Daddy."

Fai followed him out the door with one last look at the empty cabin. It was a shame, really. He could have gotten used to this.

* * *

This is horrendously late. Sorry. R might be late too, cause I'm moving into my dorm on Saturday for my freshman year of college... shudder Kinda scary, actually... Anyways, thanks to Ria-chan for suggesting Kuro-ko in drag. XD If she hadn't, you would have gotten Q is for Quiet, yet another drabble about Yama and communication issues. I'm not horribly happy with this, cause its long and lacks focus, but it's better than Quiet would've been. Thanks Ria-chan!

Again, thanks to everyone for the awesome amount of feedback I'm getting, and I'll see you all next time!


	18. R is for Regret

**WARNING. WARNING. THIS DRABBLE HAS SPOILERS FOR CH. 121 AND UP. **

* * *

The morning after could almost be normal. Fai was up with the rest of them, all smiles and sunshine despite the pallor of his face and the bags under his eyes. Syaoran and Sakura sat down for breakfast and made pleasant conversation because she was trying to pretend that he was her Syaoran because yesterday never happened. As Fai flitted around making bacon, Kurogane trudged out of his room and pulled up a chair, sending dirty looks at the chocolate chip pancakes. It wasn't gloomy or awkward. It was just a little… off. But no one wanted to risk pointing that out.

"Oi. Mage. You gonna eat something or not?"

No one, that is, except Kurogane. Fai smiled.

"The twins say that I shouldn't eat normal food."

"I'm not talking about normal food."

Silence dropped on the room like an atomic bomb. Sakura bit her lip and started shaking, averting her eyes from Syaoran. Syaoran looked decidedly uncomfortable. Fai's smile never changed.

"No."

"You have to eat."

"I don't."

"Look, it's my responsibility to-"

"Syaoran-kun, you really ought to put some syrup on your pancakes. It enhances the flavor of the chocolate."

Syaoran looked up to meet Fai's gaze, but that made him uncomfortable, so he fixed his eyes on Kurogane's clenched fists instead.

"No thank you. I don't like sweets."

"Ah, right. Your tastes lie… elsewhere." Fai's grin stretched wide, showing his newly sharpened teeth. Syaoran moved his gaze to stare at Fai. He spoke carefully.

"…I'm not sure I know what you mean."

Fai winked with his good eye.

"It's ok, so long as it's not mine next time."

Sakura's fork clattered to the table. She opened her mouth, but tears gathered in her eyes and she choked on the words. She disappeared in a flurry of skirts and the slam of a door. Syaoran's eyes darted from Fai to the door, and he didn't speak because he didn't entirely believe what he had heard. Fai just smiled.

"Mokona, is there a feather in this world?" he asked, rising to clear Sakura's plate. Mokona didn't get a chance to answer, because Kurogane got to it first.

"Hey, just because you tried to get yourself killed-"

"We should start looking in the marketplace," Fai said, breezing past him to the sink. Kurogane leapt to his feet and grabbed at Fai's shoulder.

"LOOK, mage-"

_Bam._

No one knew quite what happened, least of all Kurogane. Fai's back had been to him, and he had been reaching for Fai's shoulder. Now he was on his back, out of breath, and staring at the ceiling. He had only a vague recollection of leaving the floor. Fai stood above him with Sakura's plate and that eerie smile.

"Well, Kuro-puu? Are you coming to market with us?"

Fai turned his back and started scrubbing Sakura's plate. Kurogane swallowed hard, not daring to move yet because something in his shoulder felt out of place.

"I… Is this your twisted way of saying thank you?"

"_Thank you_?" Fai's body spasmed inwards for a moment, and a tight laugh fought its way out. "Oh, what _are_ we going to do with you, Kuro-wanwan. You think you've been a hero."

Fai spun and grabbed Kurogane by the shirt, and Kurogane was too busy worrying about his shoulder to wonder if the inhuman speed was a vampiric trait or not. He snaked his face closer to Kurogane's, the smile gone.

"You made a deal with Yuuko, and now Syaoran-kun has power like you can't imagine."

"Oh, so I should've left you to die?" Kurogane spat.

"Yes. Because now we're _all_ going to die." Fai pulled him to his feet, their faces inches apart. Disgust oozed from his narrowed eyes, his grimace. "That's not kindness. That's not love. That's _stupidity_."

Fai tossed him aside and the predatory smile re-appeared.

"So, Kuro-ko, are you coming to market with us?"

There are great turning points in your life where something happens and all of the sudden, everything's changed and there's no going back. It's the first day of the rest of your life, and it's a whole new world, and it's a million tired clichés. Then there's the moment, maybe a week or so later, that you realize it's happened. You tilt your head. You blink. And now you understand why your week's been so weird.

This was that moment. Kurogane stared up at him from the floor, holding his injured shoulder. He watched the dangerous curve of the smile and the stiff set of Fai's shoulders. He heard the edge of anger in the cute pet names. He understood in painful clarity that he would spend the rest of his life walking on eggshells, bound by blood to his best enemy and worst friend.

And he knew he had been right, but he wondered- just for a moment- if it would've been so bad to be wrong.

* * *

So... um... I wrote this mostly on the day that I read chapter 125. So I didn't know what was going to happen the morning after, so this is slightly AU. And I SINCERELY apologize for the huge break, but college has eaten my soul and I had issues, so I haven't written much of anything lately. And I also apologize for yet another angstfic about the recent arc, but I couldn't help myself. XD I promise I won't do it again. Good to be back! As usual, review and critique. 


	19. S is for Sick

So... this is probably going to be the last drabble. I'm sorry, but I've kind of lost my enthusiasm for writing Tsubasa fics. Sorry. But I found this handwritten in my folder and realized I never put it up, so... here you go.

* * *

Kurogane would kill that sorry excuse for a doctor. She had sent them away with some pills for Fai's fever and sworn that he would be better in no time. She was so convincing that the kids were sure they could leave Fai to Kurogane and go to the festival tonight. This left Kurogane alone with Fai as the mage's fever continued to rise. He had stopped making sense an hour ago. He really ought to take him to a doctor- a _different_ doctor- but they were all closed for the festival. Apparently, this world valued celebration over health care.

"Fetch me that screwdriver," Fai commanded with a vague wave at the bedside table. Kurogane raised his eyebrows.

"…Screwdriver."

"No, the other one." Fai sounded irritated now, and sat up to claw at the lamp.

"You don't need that screwdriver," Kurogane grunted. He gave Fai a gentle shove, and Fai collapsed back on the bed. In the moment of indignant silence, Kurogane ran a wet rag over his forehead and turned away to dip the rag in the ice again. When he turned back, Fai was giving him a too-happy grin. Kurogane tried to ignore it and failed.

"Ok, what _now?_"

"Pretty," Fai replied. He sounded distant. A pale hand emerged from the sheets to stroke Kurogane's arm, tracing its way up to the shoulder. Kurogane was painfully aware that he should do something to distract Fai. He should change the subject, or slap his hand away, or do something other than freeze up. "Very pretty… and nice." Fai smiled and let his hand drop. "All nicey-nice for the invalid."

"Yeah," Kurogane growled, recovering his senses. "Now be a good invalid and stop pulling the blankets up. You're too warm as it is."

He reached up to pull the blankets back down, taking deep breaths to calm himself. Silly housemaids blushed and got nervous. Ninjas did not. As the last heir of his family, it was important that he have sons, so even supposing that Fai was interested in him-

A hand caught Kurogane's back on the way up, holding him just above Fai's chest. Slowly, it nudged him to hover above Fai's face, which wad painted in a hopeful smile.

"Kiss, Pooky?"

Oh shit. This was all sorts of bad.

"You're sick," Kurogane pointed out, trying not to sound uneasy. "If it's catching-"

"No screwdrivers. Silly."

Fai arched up to kiss him on the forehead. Kurogane couldn't bring himself to jerk away- he might hurt Fai's arm, he rationalized- but there was no way to suppress the rising blush.

"Look," he started, "I won't-"

Fai gave him a peck on the cheek.

"-kiss you because, whatever you _think_ you're feeling, you're-"

Fai kissed his other cheek.

"-delirious, and I'm-"

Fai was smiling the content smile of someone who's about to get what he wants.

"…Oh hell."

The more controlled part of him looked on in sheer terror as the less controlled part of him allowed Fai to kiss him on the lips. He barely resisted when Fai added tongue.

Kurogane was never one for long flowery descriptions. Fai was a good kisser. In fact, it didn't occur to Kurogane for quite a while that it really _might_ be catching, and he pulled away. Fai gave him a questioning look, and he tried to scowl.

"Save the rest for when you're feeling better."

Fai's face cracked into a genuine smile. He wrapped Kurogane in a bear hug, giggling into his neck.

"Thank you, Ashura-ou."

* * *

Hope you liked. Thanks for sticking with me guys, this has by FAR been my most sucessful story EVER. There's even a girl translating them into Russian, apparently, which is really flattering. XD I really appreciate all of you. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And maybe there'll be more later, but don't hold your breath. So long and thanks for all the fish! 


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